This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
Randomize
