Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
