between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
Randomize
