i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
where are you?
Hypothermia
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
Randomize
