Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
Randomize
