yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
I was born with a shot glass in my hand
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
Randomize
