If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
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