Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
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