Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
Randomize
