I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
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