I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
Randomize
