Me too!
sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
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