I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
17 year olds will be the death of me.
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
Randomize
