By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
Randomize
