All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
Randomize
