Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
Randomize
