I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
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