so thats when we found her crawling hands and knees up first street singing hold me closer tony danza as loud as she could
did she say where she was going
apparently she thought she was on morton hill and was trying to go back to the bars
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
pray to the hookup gods
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
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