got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
The struggles of a small town man whore
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize
