i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
Randomize
