Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
Randomize
