see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
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