With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
Randomize
