Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
Randomize
