I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
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