Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
Randomize
