I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
He told me I remind him of his sister...
Was this before or after you did it?
before... I mean, it's been a long time. I just tried not to think of it during.
i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
Randomize
