I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
Less talking, more tequila
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
Randomize
