I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
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