i dont think there is any level of not caring that i havent covered in the last month
Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
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