I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
Is Jonathan Taylor Thomas a gay? I need you to google search it for me. Its important
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
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