I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
Randomize
