We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
Randomize
