every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
It's shark week go big or go home
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
Randomize