A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
Randomize
