I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
Randomize
