i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
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