My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
So is there a reason your dad is passed out naked in my shower? P.S. Congrats on the family dong.
I didn't get it..
I'm sorry. But to the original question please.
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
Randomize
