Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
Randomize
