Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
i would punch a child for taco bell
hahah your definitly as dumb as I think I thought you are. boom roasted.
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
I don't care if its bassically 3rd world. A country without a drinking age is a country without a drinking age.
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
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