If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
can we get nightvision for the apartment?
We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
Randomize
