I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
I just want nice things and good sex
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
Randomize
