The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
Randomize
