Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
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