hotel room ftw
Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
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