there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
When did angry sex become our thing?
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
Randomize