Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
Randomize
