In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize
