so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
Randomize
