I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
Randomize
