am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
Randomize