what do you have against ST
DO NOT ABBREVIATE LIKE YOU AND STAR TREK ARE FRIENDS.
Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
Randomize
