Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
Randomize
