Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
Randomize
