Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
i want tt clbm rinabw nd ride uncrn
what?
i wnt tto climb a rainboww and ride a unicornnnnnnnnn
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
Randomize
