she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
found the other keg... it's in the tree
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
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