Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
Randomize
