I think I am morally bankrupt
The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
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