Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
Randomize