yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
Randomize
