I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
Omg Kevin Jonas is engaged!!!!!!
Omg really? To who. Gay marriage is only legal in like 3 states.
He just said "I made some changes in my life. The male g-spot is in the rectum and I wanted to explore that."
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
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