I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
i was like the pretty and slutty 8th grade girl who goes to a party, gets wasted, and ends up having sex with a senoir
details?
alcohol + bed + penis = sex
My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
Randomize
