Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
