Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
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