my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
Randomize
